I’ve been thinking about this for a while, uncertain if I wanted to post – or write – it. A friend reminded me the other day that the blog is my space, and even if this takes a more negative view than I’d like, it’s something I need to say. We’ve all struggled across the last couple of years but I think dealing with mental health in a pandemic puts a whole new spin on things. The one point I’ve taken away?
It’s okay to not be okay.
I prided myself on how I coped when we went into lockdown. I’m fortunate I’m in full employment and once I got my set-up sorted, I felt I’d be okay.
But I slipped up.
Mental health in a pandemic
There was the first wave of content implying everyone should learn a new skill, writing a book and reading everything they own.
A second wave of posts followed on positivity and finding the good things that’ve happened. I love these – it’s so satisfying hearing how others have coped and the wonderful projects that have come out of the darkness.
But I can’t apply them to myself, as much as I want to pretend.
As events continued, my mental health started slipping. Last week I had my third breakdown, attempting to cope with how everything is affecting me.
I had a long chat with my (very supportive) manager because I was struggling at work with my confidence. I’m working longer hours and reached a point of almost-burn-out: I had nothing left to give. My head was pounding, I felt sick, and I’ve never felt so hollow and drained. I say ‘almost’ because an exceptionally early night helped, but I definitely need to book time off.
In that same week, I wanted to quit writing. I was struggling with both my novel and my personal projects and, because of sheer exhaustion, couldn’t see a way through it. I convinced myself no one would like it, the entire thing was rubbish and what was the point?
I then went through the same with the blog: why was I doing this; it wasn’t getting anywhere; what did I want to achieve? Without a commute, I’m behind on my reading and left feeling that I’m letting authors down not getting the reviews published.
So far, this post is sounding like a moan. In some ways, yes – I need to put down what’s in my mind.
But that’s not the point of writing it.
My point is… if you’re struggling, if you’re not finding the silver linings or found your creative side, that’s okay, too. If you’re reading about positivity and it’s getting to you that you’re not feeling it, that’s okay. If you haven’t tackled your to be read pile, if you haven’t watched your backlist of films or learnt a new talent, if you’re just taking it one day at a time then… you’ve got this.
I’m searching for my positivity but, for me, that comes in the form of being able to get through a day completing self-care. Sometimes, your target for the day should just be looking after yourself, and that’s the most important thing you can focus on.
Whatever you need to do, however you need to feel, that’s okay.
How have you dealt with your mental health in a pandemic? Do you have any tips you’d share with others or lessons you’ve learnt?
You may also like:
- Returning to Blogging | September 2021 Update
- Not meeting your resolutions – and why it doesn’t matter
A Rambling Reviewer 
The pandemic and lockdown are challenges for everyone’s mental health. I also feel exhausted even when I work from home, and you’re right – it’s okay to feel not okay at some points. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. It can be hard reminding ourselves of that though at times, can’t it?
LikeLike
A great post and definitely something that needs to be said. I know what you mean about feeling unmotivated. When I was in quarantine, I had a list of things I wanted to achieve/do but I barely made a dent in that list and that left me very disappointed in myself. I realise now that I shouldn’t of been so hard on myself. Not every day has to be spent doing something productive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s easy in hindsight to say it though, isn’t it? At the time it’s just frustrating. Thank you so much for stopping by and your comment.
LikeLike
I saw you from the twitter loved your blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What an honest and real post. I can completely relate to what you’ve said, I don’t think I’ve achieved anything since lock down but that’s okay! Like you said, looking after yourself is the most important thing xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Sometimes it can be tricky seeing that even when we’re telling others to focus on their own well-being, can’t it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I live your honesty in this. I completely relate and empathize with your “moan”. And while I love the positivity of all these posts of everyone’s projects and extra-time-achievements, I didn’t get extra time so that’s worn a little thin…I think those of us stretched thin have all had to come to terms with our levels of exhaustion and step back a bit. I took a day off one weekend just doing the bare minimum of housework, cooking, etc and took time to recover me a little. We all need to do that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can relate so much to what you’ve written here. I’ve been on the ‘corona coaster’ with fits and spurts of productivity followed by days of just sitting scrolling aimlessly on social media. I’ve allowed myself to have to slow, quiet days though. I’ve had a few meltdowns when I felt like I wasn’t ‘doing enough’ and realized that sometimes doing nothing is exactly what I need.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh my gosh, it definitely sounds like you’ve been feeling some of the same things that I have. Rollercoaster sums it up so well!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really need to do that as well to be honest but I can’t seem to get on top of my to-do list to justify it (I know, that’s on me and my mindset, aha!). I’m glad it helped give you a bit of a break.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Lindsey, it’s good to read posts like this one. You take care. I love your blog as you know. And if you finish your book one day, I’ll read it for sure 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!! I can’t tell you what that means to me. I’m hoping one day I’ll get there with it, but the editing is proving rather slow!
LikeLike
Great post! Thank you for sharing this and being open about it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved this article bc so often we are told not being okay is bad but really there is a lot to be learned from every emotion, even the not so positive ones.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly, it’s so important to focus on everything, whether that’s good or bad.
LikeLike
So honest! It is defiantly ok not to be ok, I feel like that sometimes. But I try to look at the positives as much as I can! Wonderful article, I really enjoyed your words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a nice post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes trying to make yourself look at the positives can just make things harder when you’re not feeling it yourself but it’s definitely important to try and see the bright side. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad you wrote this and shared how you’re really feeling! I’m so sorry to hear about your breakdown but I’m so glad that you have such a supportive manager. I’m sure that makes all the difference. It’s important to share these things because it’s NOT all positive and happy all the time – despite what people might be blogging about xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, lovely. I really wasn’t sure whether I was going to or not, but feel like I needed to in order to help me process what I was feeling. Things have just been more of a struggle than I thought they’d be but it will get there.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing. It is okay not to be okay. It’s good that your manager is so understanding. With working from home, it’s easier to overwork yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Oh yes, far too easy when it’s hard to separate life and work.
LikeLike
I’m sorry to hear about your breakdown and I’m happy to know you have a supportive manager who understands. I’ve felt like this at times too and it definitely helps to have people around who can be supportive and understand how you feel. I hope you are looking after yourself and taking a step back when you need too. thanks for sharing how you have been feeling x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! Oh definitely so, knowing you can express it to someone and them not just to tell you to move on from it can make such a difference.
LikeLike
It’s defo okay not to be okay. Sometimes in life, we just need to tone down. Cry if you wanted to cry, shout if you wanted to shout and be alone if you wanted to be alone. That’s how life should be. But after, get up from where you fell and continue moving forward. These times have been challenging, me too, I kept myself busy on reading and watching inspirational talks. We just need a reminder.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Definitely. Work’s been exhausting me too much to properly indulge in fun activities afterwards so the switching off is hard sometimes.
LikeLike
Thank you so much for your honesty in this post! I really appreciate you sharing your struggles – makes me feel a lot less alone!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. That’s why I did post it in the end in case there were others out there feeling the same way. I’m glad it helped.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing this and talking openly about it – I hope you’re feeling much better now! I also went through a similar patch last week, yet fortunately I’m over the worst of it now. Take care 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so glad you’re over the worst of it now and I hope this week has continued to be a better one for you!
LikeLike
I agree – it’s okay to not be okay and we need to normalise this. In a world where being busy/ being happy is considered normal – we need to normalise feeling not okay and take some time out to recharge.
I know that feeling, I have been working for longer hours as well and feel burned out at work. There is no clear separation of life and work in the work from home lifestyle.
i hope you feel better soon, *hugs*
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’ve got it spot on there with there being no clear separation and just constantly feeling burnt out. Thank you so much – I hope you’re also doing okay.
LikeLike
I think it’s great to share how you are feeling during the pandemic. It’s healthy to talk and many people are going through similar things. Than you for sharing
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! That’s why I wanted to post in the end, I thought sharing had to be more positive.
LikeLike
A deeply inspiring post! Despite the best efforts of people sharing how they feel honestly, there is a still a lot of stigma surrounding not feeling okay. I love that you spoke up and acknowledged your feelings.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I actually can’t tell you what your comment means to me, thank you so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As much as it’s nice to read about people learning new skills and developing, and it’s great to look at the positive lessons over this time, I think posts like this are important too. I think how you’re feeling is normal for a lot of people right now. And it is okay not to be okay, none of us have been here before, and we can’t all handle it the same way. I’m sorry to hear about your breakdown, but I’m really glad you got the support you needed from work! I hope you can start to feel a bit better soon (or maybe we’ll actually be allowed to go out without feeling guilty by then…) x
Sophie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. This week is proving better so far, things just got a bit much. I think how I’m feeling is normal as well, which is what made me decide to go ahead and post when I wasn’t sure rather than feeling like i should be really developing because that’s what everyone else seems to be doing. Thank you so much, lovely, it means a lot.
LikeLike
Thank you for admitting that you were having difficulty dealing with everything. It’s hard enough knowing yourself that you are but admitting it to others is worse. I was already messed up before the pandemic hit so I really didn’t feel worse or better. I am an introvert so I’d much rather be inside but I’m also one of those people who doesn’t like to be told what to do so I’m sure you can see my dilemma. I hope that things are looking up for you day-by-day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That does sound like a dilemma – I hope you’re managing to find some kind of balance that works for you!
LikeLike
I love your honesty in this post dear, I’m glad you hit the publish button. You’re right, it’s ok not to be ok, we all handle situations differently. Take it one day at a time, prioritise self-care in your daily routine and hopefully things get better.
Tx. // Tajinder Kaur
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much – I’m glad I hit it as well. I’m hoping to get better at the prioritising thing soon as so far not so great.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could really relate to this post. I spent the first few weeks of lockdown feeling very anxious and unable to focus on my writing. I didn’t blog anything for a whole month as I just wasn’t inspired. I finally got out of the rut and have managed to get back into productivity mode in the past few weeks again. Thanks for your post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah I’m so glad you managed to get out of the rut and things are more positive for you now – long may that continue!
LikeLike
This was so honest. I think taking care of yourself in this time is the most important thing, however that looks to you ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, I agree!
LikeLike
I’ve been trying to come to terms with this myself. Thanks for sharing your story ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It can be hard, can’t it? Thank you.
LikeLike
Oh Lindsey, I am so sorry that you’re not OK, but I am so pleased that your boss has been supportive of you.
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I hope things continue to ease in lockdown and ‘normal’ life returns soon x x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I really hope I can start pulling things together a little better from now on to be honest.
LikeLike
Great post. It’s important to be open and honest about it. I hope you start to feel better soon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you – me too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing this! I can relate to it completely, and it’s so important to hear it from someone else, to know that it is okay. I had a really difficult time about 4/5 weeks in, but I got through largely by realising I don’t need to be doing everything that possibly need to be done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a great mindset to have and I’m really glad you managed to come to it before everything really got too much for you. I hope it’s continued to be easier.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of us need to hear that right now. I’m so glad you reached out for support. It’s important to say no to things when life gets too much. It’s something I struggle to do but I’m working on it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Yes, it’s always a tricky one for me as well. I hope it’s going okay.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing your struggles! ?
It does feel quite relatable because it is uneasy to separate your life and work. We can work on balancing it but it does get out of hand sometimes.
Like you said “it is okay not to be okay”.
Keep up your amazing posts! ??
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Yes, unfortunately it’s far too easy for things to get out of hand and a situation out of the norm makes it happen far too often.
LikeLike
I love you for your honesty. I am so sorry for your breakdown, but I am glad for the support menager. We can not be ok all the time. I know I havent been ok a few times in this lock down. The first step to recover is to admit to yourself you are not fine and that you need help
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much – it felt like a really big deal to say it. It really is and part of me is still in the admitting stage that I need something to help, but I’ve taken the first step.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I definitely have days where the only goal is to look after myself in some way and try and see a little light. Thank you for being so honest in your writing, I truly hope you feel much better soon. This is a very brave post!
Anika | chaptersofmay.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me.
LikeLike
Loved your words. I am really taking it one day at a time. Basically writting, watching movies and studying. It’s easy to be depressed and hard to stay positive. Thanks for sharing the post. Stay safe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Taking it one day at a time is sometimes all we can do. I hope it’s still working for you and you’re doing okay.
LikeLike
This is such an important post I love how honest you are! Thank you so much for sharing so many people need to read this!
Amber – The Unpredicted Page
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, that means a lot!
LikeLike
This is such an honest post and very brave to talk about mental health. It is okay not to be okay. No one is okay all the time. It’s good you are sharing your experience to help others.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great Post. I think many people have felt like this in lockdown. I have myself. It is ok to not be ok. It isn’t easy times at the moment and I hope you still don’t feel the same about your creative projects and your blog. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. I think I’m slowly getting there – a couple of productive weeks makes a big difference for sure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really great post. It’s normal to feel like the world is against you. But at every moment always adopt a positive attitude so you can find a way out. Else you’d remain there
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly, although when things get overwhelming that can be easier said than done sometimes.
LikeLike
Such a lovely honest post. Hope you are feeling a little better now. I can imagine the pressure you felt to get reviews done as if you normally do them on your commute. I find journaling really helps me keep track of my mental health/wellbeing. The minute I stop I can now spot a pattern.
Lots of love, Helen x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh having something to help you establish a pattern sounds like a great idea!
LikeLike
Great post, its definitely okay to not be okay. I have definitely had some difficult days during the lockdown, and it took me a little while to get used to working from home. I have definitely had more stressful days working at home than I have done in the office. Sorry to hear about how you’re feeling, it is lovely to see that you have a supportive manager though. I think it’s important to remember that you don’t have to be productive doing work or writing or blogging every single day, we deserve self care days where the focus is just you!
Chloe xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww thank you so much, lovely. I hope its settled down for you and that you’re doing okay now. That’s so true about self-care days, and definitely something I need to remind myself about more often.
LikeLike
I love reading posts like this! The pandemic has made me feel like I’ve been living in “triggered” mode since March. Thanks for sharing this.
LikeLike
This is a really good reminder for me to take things easy and not rush anything. I’m going through a tough patch right now in my mental health by trying to do it all with no rest; but I need to remember to relax and that everything doesn’t have to be completed all in a day. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike
YES! Thank you for the reminder. Some days are just harder than others… and that’s okay.
LikeLike
I agree, we should acknowledge that each one takes a different phase. Some times are really low, and we have to allow it till we are ready to move forward. Hope you are feeling better now. Take care!
LikeLike
This is such a great post and one that I think everyone should read. Its easy to forget that its a new normal for many of us so its going to take time to get into a new routine and all the things we would normally do on commutes and lunchbreaks just aren’t happening right now. Social media doesn’t help because you see what looks like a perfect day or a perfect life when in fact the person behind it might be struggling too. I hope you’re feeling better now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Yes, social media is definitely not the best place to be if you’re not in the best state of mind. Thank you, I’m definitely getting there!
LikeLike
Wonderful post, very thought provoking. I haven’t been ok for some months, and self acceptance is part of healing. Thanks for sharing this ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. Acceptance is such a big part for sure. I hope you feel better soon!
LikeLike
Aww babe I hope you’re ok! It’s totally ok to not feel strong and happy all the time (as you so rightly said), but all the same! Know we’re all here for you to ramble to and it never feels like you’re moaning x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! Even when you know it’s okay, it can be frustrating if nothing else. That means a lot, thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a great post – definitely got me thinking! I think there is so much pressure to constantly be happy and grateful for various situations; whereas this isn’t always possible. It’s okay to have down days too!
Paige // Paige Eades
LikeLike
[…] It’s okay… to not be okay […]
LikeLike
[…] It’s okay… to not be okay […]
LikeLike
[…] It’s Okay To Not Be Okay […]
LikeLike