Tuesday 13th October 2015 was a special day for me. I graduated! I already knew my grades and had technically finished, but it was the day of the ceremony. Having dropped out of my first university, it was a day I didn’t think I would have the chance to experience. Or, for that matter, be able to give to my parents to experience either.
What a day it was.
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Anyone who is doing exams at the moment – whether it is GCSE, A-Level or at university know there is still the worst part to come. The waiting game. The time spent twiddling your thumbs while you wait for results and to see if the next stage or your life is going to go according to plan depending on what you get. That is me right now. By later on this afternoon, I will have my final university grades and know what I have achieved for my degree. After that, I can start properly looking for jobs – it’s a little hard when the application wants a result and you don’t know what it is yet.
But the last few weeks waiting have been horrendous. I submitted on a Saturday morning and moved straight home on the Sunday. In a way, that helped. That week was filled with appointments and cleaning, unpacking and trying to move my life back into my home after having the time on my own. Then I was fortunate enough to have a trip away as a final uni experience, so that killed another week.
Last week, however, was hell. I am currently redoing my bedroom and in a sense that has been a saving grace – clear outs, emptying drawers, deciding on furniture has not only kept me occupied, but worn me out as well. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been enough. I am notorious for not being able to sleep when there is something on my mind and that kicked in early last week. While I was getting some rest, I was being plagued by strange dreams that left me feeling exhausted when I woke up – and I knew full well they were about the results.
So while everyone is telling you that you have done your best and there is nothing more you can do now, don’t worry. You are not alone in feeling like time has slowed down and there is something clawing in the pit of your stomach while you wait to find out how you did. I feel like my life has been put on hold while I wait for these results and it’s horrible. I’ve been trying to keep busy but while there is something working away on your mind, it’s hard to do. But it’s the only thing you can do. Throw yourself into a task that consumes every moment of your waking day so that you are keeping your thoughts about something else entirely.
Nerves differ for individuals. But by the end of the week, I was having warm baths/showers and a hot chocolate before bed so that I could at least give myself a chance to get some rest. The other positive thing was by the end of the week I had managed to write up a few posts for the blog as it kept me going – so I guess something positive came out of it.
All we can do is wait and worry. But good luck to everyone waiting for results and hope they set your life on the track you want it to go on.