I was reading through the wrap-up post of September when I was thinking of what to put for this month. I realise now how negative I was feeling about everything. Life is not easy when you’re in your early twenties – everyone has ideas of where you should be going and what you should be doing. I realise – looking back (isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?) – that what is important is staying true to your dreams. To sticking to what you truly believe in.
I’m sure sitting here desperately trying to keep my eyes open isn’t the best way to end the month. I had so many plans of what I was going to do this evening – reviews to write, stories to sort out, articles to plan. But instead I’m fighting to stay awake. I’ve woken up early the last couple of days and I think I’m feeling it now.
It has been worth it though. Over the last two days, I feel like I have achieved more than I have got done for the rest of the month put together. One day I’m going to be able to write this end of the month post and actually have something to say. But health issues are still on-going, I still have no job and am still not doing too well with honestly calling myself a writer. I feel like I’m in exactly the same position as I was this time last month, only with a whole burst of frustration to throw into the mix.
When life is stressful, going back to old favourites can work wonders. The familiarity and comfort provided by watching something you have seen a thousand times before is often what the soul needs to properly relax and unwind. New films are exciting and thrilling… but they keep you alert in anticipation. Watching something old allows you to relax and properly unwind.Read More »
I cannot get over the fact another month has gone already. Time is speeding up at the moment; I’m trying to catch up with myself. I’m pleased to say the month is ending on a positive note considering I’ve been having a pamper session over the last day or so. I have to admit to having had a little bit of an issue with my mood over the weekend but it’s nice to feel like I’ve pulled myself together a touch. It’s amazing what painting your nails can do for your mood sometimes.
However, in regards to my New Year’s resolutions, there is a reason behind taking extra care of myself the last few days. I have my first interview tomorrow. And then another on Friday. I have spent the last two weeks solidly job hunting and this is the first time results have come back. I wanted to at least make sure that I looked presentable if nothing else. I’m nervous, but I know it will be good experience and you never know, something might come out of it. As I said I wanted to make sure I got a job this year, this is me working hard to get that.
What else is on my list? Writing. Ah yes, writing. The novel is fighting back but I have made some progress. I’m really hoping to get myself into a routine with it soon but alas, I have not made it that far yet. However, I have really been working on the blog this month and as from tomorrow, there are a few changes taking place about the quantity (and hopefully quality) of posts so I’m looking forward to seeing if that helps. I’ve also started to get properly involved with twitter chats and it has been so much fun. Inspiration has been flowing and I’m looking forward to seeing what I do next.
Uni? Well, that’s officially over. But more than that, I have now received my results and am proud to say that I’m graduating with a 1st Class BA Hons in Film and Writing. That’s one thing ticked off my to-do list then, is it not?
The final one is health. Getting there is I think the best thing to say. Having spent the last two days attempting to make myself look presentable for tomorrow certainly helps to make me feel better in myself. Things are moving forward, even if they are being too slow for my liking. I guess the only thing I can really say is that I’m trying and leave it at that.
So there is my June. Gone already. What has everyone else been up to? I hope you like the changes that are going to be taking place here as I try and expand my horizons as a blogger. I’ve really got the buzz for it at the moment so I’m really hoping that shows in the posts that are coming up. Don’t forget to let me know what you like!
A while ago, I wrote a post (here) about my favourite place while at university. A walk a few weeks ago with my parents means I have found it at home as well.
Situated near Maldon, Heybridge Basin is a beautiful canal. My family and I have been going there for years and it never fails to relax you. Walking in one direction takes you along the canal. It’s much hotter this way but you walk along the water’s edge and can see the wildlife there. As you loop back, you go along the river. There is a greater chance of seeing different wildlife along this part, but you have to be prepared for the wind.
The beautiful setting is just one of the reasons it relaxes me. It’s so cut off from the “real” world. You can really let your mind go and quieten your thoughts for a while. It is not often I am able to do that. My mind is my own worst enemy. Finding a sanctuary where I can go for a decent walk (it takes about an hour to walk the loop at a comfortable pace), get the cobwebs blown away and forget about life for a while is a blessing.
Even with the weather against you, it is still a great place to go. In the winter, it is a matter of going prepared with footwear and thick coats. It certainly works to freshen your mind when you’ve been stuck inside – you’re exposed so the wind is strong! The spring tends to be wet underfoot, but nature is awakening then so it is beautiful. My personal favourite time of year is going in the autumn. I absolutely love blackberry picking and for as long as we have been going there, we’ve been picking. The amount we get can be a little absurd sometimes. The amount of stings and scratches I receive echoes that sentiment – I get stubborn!
There are not many places near to me where I can pick blackberries without them being covered in car fumes or too dangerous to do. Each year, I always think it feels like jumping back through time. It is a connection with nature our generation is in fear of losing if we’re not careful. I put my hand up to being guilty of that – I get too absorbed with my hobbies which I have to admit involve being inside a lot. But knowing I have that space as a getaway when I need it is a great feeling. If it can work to distract me from getting my university results, it can handle anything!
The final thing I want to add is inspiration. Feeling my mind actually relax and stop fretting about everything is the perfect way to make me feel refreshed and ready to go. I always come back in the mood to start getting through my to-do list. Considering the length of it, that feeling is needed!
Anyone who is doing exams at the moment – whether it is GCSE, A-Level or at university know there is still the worst part to come. The waiting game. The time spent twiddling your thumbs while you wait for results and to see if the next stage or your life is going to go according to plan depending on what you get. That is me right now. By later on this afternoon, I will have my final university grades and know what I have achieved for my degree. After that, I can start properly looking for jobs – it’s a little hard when the application wants a result and you don’t know what it is yet.
But the last few weeks waiting have been horrendous. I submitted on a Saturday morning and moved straight home on the Sunday. In a way, that helped. That week was filled with appointments and cleaning, unpacking and trying to move my life back into my home after having the time on my own. Then I was fortunate enough to have a trip away as a final uni experience, so that killed another week.
Last week, however, was hell. I am currently redoing my bedroom and in a sense that has been a saving grace – clear outs, emptying drawers, deciding on furniture has not only kept me occupied, but worn me out as well. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been enough. I am notorious for not being able to sleep when there is something on my mind and that kicked in early last week. While I was getting some rest, I was being plagued by strange dreams that left me feeling exhausted when I woke up – and I knew full well they were about the results.
So while everyone is telling you that you have done your best and there is nothing more you can do now, don’t worry. You are not alone in feeling like time has slowed down and there is something clawing in the pit of your stomach while you wait to find out how you did. I feel like my life has been put on hold while I wait for these results and it’s horrible. I’ve been trying to keep busy but while there is something working away on your mind, it’s hard to do. But it’s the only thing you can do. Throw yourself into a task that consumes every moment of your waking day so that you are keeping your thoughts about something else entirely.
Nerves differ for individuals. But by the end of the week, I was having warm baths/showers and a hot chocolate before bed so that I could at least give myself a chance to get some rest. The other positive thing was by the end of the week I had managed to write up a few posts for the blog as it kept me going – so I guess something positive came out of it.
All we can do is wait and worry. But good luck to everyone waiting for results and hope they set your life on the track you want it to go on.
This month has changed things for me. There is no more university. The official deadline was on the 12th May. Typical me; I had handed everything in a few days early. I had to actually – I had an appointment at home on the 11th. But it’s over. Finished. That chapter of my life is now closed and I guess it means I have fulfilled one of my New Year’s resolutions as one was to graduate. By the end of this week, I will know what my grade is as well. It’s terrifying! In all honesty, I can’t wait until this week is over because I feel like I’m walking on egg-shells a little at the moment.
Last month, I believed my writing was increasing. That no longer seems to be the case. It’s hard to judge. What was a lot then while dealing with university is not much now I have free time. I guess it is ticking along. I’m focusing more on my editing in terms of fanfictions to improve my writing style and continue to develop it in a space where I can receive feedback. I have also had a few novel sessions. But inspiration is lacking at the moment and unless things pick up, I certainly can’t claim to be a writer the way I wanted to. The only thing that has really gone according to plan is I have had a few blogging sessions since being home so things are running smoothly on here.
What else do I have on my list of resolutions? Health? I think it is getting there. The headaches that have been plaguing me all year are finally being investigated. Now that I am home, I’m making the point of eating healthily. I’m not sleeping brilliantly but again, I think that is waiting for results and the apprehension for that. Things are getting there. I need to get myself into a routine to keep it that way though.
There isn’t much to report for this month. It was such a huge deal to finish university. Then I had a week in France as a final uni trip. Even though I have been done for a few weeks, I’m still trying to recover from uni and sort out what I am doing with my life. I am completely redecorating my room at home with new furniture etc, so that is going to be good for a new start.
I guess this has been a transition month. The big changes I anticipated haven’t hit me yet. Intense job hunting starts this week as once I know what my grade is actually going to be, it makes applying a lot easier. I just have everything crossed something comes up soon in order to keep myself positive. I know how I get when things are in limbo and I’m scared all the progress I have made this year so far will be lost.
There, that is my confession for this month. How is everyone else?
Last week I wrote a post on what I do to get myself ready for the week ahead. Admittedly it was mainly based on beauty type events, but they mean so much more than that. It is my way of making myself feel a little better, to know that I have taken the time out to look after me for an evening and prepare myself both physically and mentally for the upcoming week.
I know that sounds a dramatic way of looking at it. But when life is a mixture of being ill, feeling down or generally not having much confidence in who you are, it is amazing what taking an evening to look after yourself can do.
So I wanted to take this post one step further. To look at why I do it. Why I take the time out to go to an extreme with skin care. Or rather, why I then blogged about it. Why am I blogging at all?
For me, it all started off because of the reviews. I fell in love with doing it and knew that I needed a platform to promote my work. This isn’t the first blog they have been published on. But I moved sites because I wanted to take it a step further. Rather than just writing a rambling post – mainly based on fan things – of what I had done each week, I wanted to do it properly. I’ve had a little guidance, so now I’m just having fun!
The beauty posts were the first way I branched out from reviews. I’m highly interested in make-up, skincare products, nail varnishes, that sort of thing. I could never write tutorials because I have such a lack of ability. But I’m interested in it in general and like to talk about the products I’m using. I’ve found myself eagerly reading other people’s posts and getting inspiration for my look from them, so basically wanted to return the favour, even if no one ends up reading it.
But then these more personal posts started to come out. What it felt like to have a clear out. How I’m managing to keep (or not) to my New Year’s Resolutions. It became a platform where I could explore in more depth about how I felt about something by focusing a post on it specifically. I guess after that it sort of became addicted. I’ve always loved writing and this gave me the chance to stretch my mind to create a new type of content. I do still struggle coming up with some ideas, especially for personal posts which is why there are still a lot more focused on products than on me. Who knows though, maybe one day they will start coming easier and then I’ll really be sorted.
Until that day though, I would like to use this post to thank everyone who has followed me so far, no matter which platform.
I’ve seen a few people recently write posts about why they are wearing make-up and so I thought I would join in the trend.
I’ve always been a bit of a latecomer when it comes to things like that. It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I even became remotely interested in make-up and then it wasn’t anything to do with wanting to impress people. Instead, I just started playing around and found I was having fun with it. Of course, I was awful. Colours too bold, things not blended properly and I still to this day can’t apply eyeliner. But I was enjoying myself so much it went from there.
Now, I think I know my style. I say think because you never know what is around the corner. I’m definitely a neutral girl, wearing soft nudes/greys when it comes to eyeshadow and using The Body Shop’s Shimmer Waves instead of blusher. I have a pale complexion so I’m terrified of getting something too strong and looking like an idiot.
I’m not the type of girl who won’t go out without her “face” on. But over the last year and a bit, I have had the misfortune of being ill. It has been one thing after the other and things aren’t clearing up and another problem has landed on top of it. I don’t sleep well at the best of times and all this added onto the final year of university means it is showing.
So make-up for me is confidence. It’s about putting some colour back in my cheeks and concealing the bags under my eyes. It’s about taking that little bit of extra time to pull myself together, to be able to look in the mirror and not instantly think “oh my god,” at the reflection looking back at me. I find for days that I want to get lots of work done, taking that time to get myself made up in the morning helps me prepare – I feel like I’m ready to face the day just as putting on slightly nicer clothes can make you feel better about yourself.
Make-up is my way of facing the world when I feel like the world has been fighting back for too long. It stops people from knowing that I’m ill and it makes me feel like I can walk out there knowing I look okay.
But at the end of the day, it is something I enjoy doing. I only do it for me, no one else. I’m not trying to live up to any stereotype and I’m certainly not trying to draw attention to myself. It’s just my way of saying that I’m facing each day head on and it doesn’t matter what the world is going to throw at me, my mask is going to be in place and I’m going to hold my head high and throw myself back.
Maybe that is going a bit extreme, who knows. But while I feel even the slightest bit like that, I will continue using make-up.
I wasn’t planning on writing this. I thought it would end up more of a moan than a blog post and that is not what I intend for this site. It’s hard looking back at the last month when it has resulted in illness, stress and rejection after rejection of jobs. Life feels a bit of a mess right now, there is no other way of explaining it.
Then I got thinking. There have been some positive things. By writing this post, it means I have stuck to my plan of writing a monthly post rather than letting it fall by the wayside. So this is me, scrabbling for some sort of control.
It is now a month until my dissertation is due in. I feel surprisingly calm about it. I have been fortunate enough to be able to write part of my novel for it. Having been tinkering away at it for the last two years, having the genuine excuse to sit and concentrate on it has been fantastic fun. I feel like I have learnt a lot about myself as a writer with editing it. Although I haven’t had the time yet, I hope once university is over, I keep up that level of dedication. Who knows, maybe I will finish it one day. It has reminded me why I wanted to write. There can be nothing greater than rediscovering a love of a hobby, especially in the name of work.
Due to my dissertation and another module where I have been forced (grimacing and wincing the whole way) to read through work from my first year, my main achievement this month is realising how far I’ve come. I’ve never looked back at that old work and the fact I’m cringing at it shows my style has changed. Am I any better? Who knows? Not me. But I’ve certainly changed and I’m sure that has to be positive.
My blog is now nearly four months old! I cannot believe how quickly time has gone. This month has seen a new layout and me finally including pictures. I’m learning more about how to optimise using social media. Although I have so many reviews queued up new ones are taking a while to filter though, they too are more focused. It will be nice when everything is carried over and it’s new content always going up.
So there we have it. My month. It’s only through writing this I’ve realised quite how much this month has focused on writing. I guess because things aren’t going well in other aspects (honestly, how are you supposed to even get to interview stage in this age of online applications?), I’ve been using it as an escape and a distraction.
For someone who was not planning to write this, I’m glad I have. It’s reminded me of the good things that have happened this month and there is always a way to keep holding them together if you try.